In my Asheville, North Carolina therapy practice, I frequently hear from clients who are struggling to understand themselves and how they fit into their families. They want to connect with their parents, but they walk away from interactions feeling drained and confused. Why does it always feel like such a struggle? Navigating family dynamics as adults often leads them to experience anxiety and confusion about how to improve these relationships. Understanding the emotional maturity of others can be key when we start talking about family experiences and how to create healthier relationships.

If you find yourself constantly questioning your role in your family or wondering why you never seem to feel satisfied in these relationships, it may be helpful to explore the concept of emotionally immature parents. Understanding this dynamic can help you navigate family relationships with greater ease and reduce feelings of guilt, anxiety, and frustration. This is especially true if you are seeking therapy for adult children of emotionally immature parents or narcissistic abuse recovery in North Carolina.

For a deeper exploration into this topic, I highly recommend reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by psychologist Lindsay C. Gibson. In this book, she describes parent-child relationships in a digestible and non-pathologizing way. In this article, I use the terms parent, caregiver, and family interchangeably. These concepts apply to the adults who raised you, such as a parent, grandparent, uncle, foster parent, or other significant adults you relied on for care.

Common Signs of Growing Up with Emotionally Immature Parents

If any of the following resonate with you, therapy for adult children of emotionally immature parents or narcissistic abuse recovery in North Carolina might be beneficial:

You feel responsible for navigating interactions so everyone feels supported and not upset.
You avoid conflict either because it’s too overwhelming or because it feels like it won’t change anything.
You’re so used to doing things on your own that it doesn’t even occur to you to ask for help.
When you realize you need help, it’s really difficult to ask for support. You may even feel shame for needing help in the first place.
You feel you must apologize to others when you cry or get upset.
You feel guilty about taking up too much time from others or being a bother (even with your therapist).
You worry that you aren’t doing enough.
You feel that you are too emotional and even as a child, put a lot of effort into being mature and strong.
You struggle with perfectionism, not because you need things to be perfect, but because you secretly worry you are an imposter and others might notice.
When you talk about your family, you make sure to share positive things because you don’t want others to get too much of a negative impression.
When you think about all of the good things in your life, you feel guilty for not being happy.
You feel guilty and worry about complaining. You wonder if you just need to learn how to ‘get over’ things.
You worry that you over-exaggerate your feelings and make a big deal out of nothing.
You feel guilty if you have negative thoughts about your parents because you know they’ve been through rough times and didn’t have a lot of support growing up.
You feel responsible to take care of your parents and regularly navigate around their emotional needs.
You struggle to ask for what you need in relationships.

If these experiences sound familiar, therapy for adult children of emotionally immature parents can help you gain clarity and find relief. I offer online therapy throughout North Carolina, so whether you're in Asheville, Raleigh, Charlotte, or a smaller town, support is accessible to you. Schedule a consultation to learn how we can work together.

Childhood Impact of Emotionally Immature Parents: Anxiety and Trauma

Children raised by emotionally immature or narcissistic parents frequently internalize their caregivers' behaviors, leading to anxiety, self-blame, and self-doubt well into adulthood. Common childhood experiences include:

You can recall feeling lonely even when you were surrounded by others.
It never felt like your problems were big enough to be addressed, or you felt it was better to keep things to yourself.
You worried about your parent. This could be worrying about how they will behave and react and/or worrying that they didn’t have enough help and support. You changed your behavior accordingly.
You and your siblings had labels like “The Good One,” “Mommy's Little Helper,” “The Trouble Maker,” “The Baby,” “The Drama Queen,” “The Man of the House.” These labels came with expectations that made you feel as a child that you weren’t allowed to change or do something different.
You had to protect younger siblings or rely on an older sibling to protect you.
You can recall feeling envious of other families. You envied how warm, calm, or close they felt.

These early experiences can result in unexplained anxiety and difficulty trusting yourself as an adult. Many clients in North Carolina come to me for trauma therapy because they are facing similar challenges and want to break the cycle of generational trauma. I often work with what we call ‘cycle breakers’—people determined to end patterns of emotional dysfunction passed down through generations. Even if you don’t fully see yourself in this way yet, the very fact that you’re exploring these dynamics indicates a deep desire for change.

Signs of an Emotionally Immature Parent

An emotionally immature parent can demonstrate all of these traits or just a handful. The impact on the child is growing up without getting their emotional needs met.

Signs of an Emotionally Immature Parent During Childhood

They didn’t take an interest in you as a child—rarely asking questions or being curious about your thoughts or interests.
Activities revolved around their interests and desires, such as insisting you pursue hobbies that made them look good, even if you had no interest.
They regularly shared inappropriate personal details with you, such as their relationship struggles or issues with the other parent.
They relied on you for advice or emotional support, treating you more like a peer or confidant.
They expected you to behave like an adult long before it was developmentally appropriate, expecting you to be mature beyond your years.

Signs of an Emotionally Immature Parent in Adulthood

Their interactions feel surface-level, even when you’re upset or going through something hard.
They brush off or minimize your feelings—either staying stoic or shifting the attention back to themselves.
They either lack empathy or over-empathize to the point that you feel responsible for comforting them.
They remain rigid in their view of you, ignoring your growth. For example, they might insist you aren’t capable of handling something independently, even though you clearly can.
When you bring up issues about their behavior, they blame you for being too sensitive or overreacting, or they become so self-blaming that you end up comforting them (“Well, I guess I’m just a terrible mother then”).
Their responses to you are inconsistent—they can be nurturing and wise at times but negative and blaming at others, making you feel like you’ve done something wrong.
They don’t tolerate differences well, expecting people (and you) to fit their rigid view of how one should be. They struggle to adapt to your individual needs.
They show minimal accountability and rarely reflect on their role in a problem.
They react negatively to your excitement and successes, often dampening your joy with warnings or pointing out potential downsides.
They expect gratitude for providing basic needs during childhood and view any feedback about the relationship as you being ungrateful.

If you relate to any of these descriptions, you might benefit from therapy for narcissistic abuse recovery or anxiety therapy in North Carolina. Learn more about working with Hanna.

Types of Emotionally Immature Parents and How Therapy Helps

Emotionally immature parents are not all the same. Dr. Lindsay Gibson describes four different types in her book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It’s common for emotionally immature caregivers to have a mix of these types. It’s important to remember that emotional maturity exists on a spectrum. At the far end of emotional immaturity, you may recognize traits of narcissism, narcissistic abuse, or borderline personality disorder. You may also recognize that some of these behaviors are emotionally abusive. Towards the middle of the spectrum, the behaviors may not be abusive, but they are certainly harmful to the mental health of a child and can lead to unmet emotional needs.

Understanding how you were impacted by your parents’ emotional maturity isn’t about blaming or criticizing them. It helps you gain deeper insight into yourself. Many clients seeking anxiety therapy or trauma therapy in Asheville, North Carolina, share stories of internalizing their parents' behaviors, believing they must have done something wrong. These internalized messages can lead to anxiety, self-doubt, depression, and high levels of self-criticism. Therapy helps uncover the roots of these experiences, empowering you to change their impact on your life.

Emotional Parent

Emotionally reactive and blaming
Too close or too distant
Focuses on their own needs and feelings
Has poor conflict resolution and repair skills
Emotionally intense in an overwhelming way
Expects others to prioritize their feelings
Sees themselves as a victim
Expects the child to soothe them or modify behavior to avoid upset
Low accountability or self-reflection
Does not respect boundaries
Switches between warm/nice and angry/scary
Low empathy but sometimes overly affectionate
Talks about themselves, leaving little space for others
Acts powerless to change their circumstances
Shames the child for "making them upset"
Becomes highly emotional and plays the victim when the child asks for more support or questions the parent's behavior. This dynamic often begins in adolescence but can persist into adulthood.

Family members may feel the need to tip-toe around and not upset them. Children of emotional parents often become overly empathetic and accommodating. Many adults in North Carolina who come to me for anxiety therapy struggle to communicate their own needs and boundaries due to this learned behavior.

Driven Parent

Has high standards for children
Rigid and expects perfection
Goal-driven and overly focused on the child’s potential
Appears highly involved and supportive but has little tolerance for mistakes
High control and adherence to rules and routine
Expects children to conform to a specific image
Low empathy and accountability
Poor conflict resolution and repair skills
May shame the child for not “doing it right”
Sees children as a reflection of themselves
Critical when the child shows emotion or asks for more support
May criticize or become defensive when the child asks for more support or questions the parent's behavior. This behavior often starts in adolescence but can continue into adulthood.

Children with a driven parent often struggle with perfectionism and anxiety. They may struggle as adults to validate their own feelings and worth. As an Asheville therapist specializing in trauma therapy, I help clients recognize and change these patterns.

Passive Parent

Friendly, good-natured, and laid-back
Avoids confrontation and does not stand up for themselves or others
Overlooks hurtful behavior and does not protect the child
Can be warm and affectionate but lacks depth in understanding the child
Low empathy and accountability
Poor conflict resolution and repair skills
Acts powerless to change circumstances
Enjoys being the "favorite" parent but does not set boundaries
May withdraw when emotional intensity increases
May withdraw as children grow older and develop more emotional complexity, particularly if they begin seeking more support or questioning the parent's behavior. This pattern often begins in adolescence but can persist into adulthood.

Children of passive parents often grow up feeling protective of them, excusing their behavior. In therapy, we explore how this dynamic contributes to difficulties in setting boundaries and validating one’s own needs.

Rejecting Parent

Dismisses or minimizes the child’s needs
Can be cruel or critical when the child doesn’t meet expectations
Acts as if the child is weak when they express emotions
Aloof, distant, and seldom interacts with the child
May shame or mock the child
Controls the family dynamic, leaving others walking on eggshells
Cold, dismissive, and hard to please
Low empathy and accountability
Poor conflict resolution and repair skills
May become more distant or rejecting as children grow older and more emotionally complex, especially if they begin asking for more support or questioning the parent's behavior. This tendency often starts in adolescence but can continue into adulthood.

Children with a rejecting parent often grow up feeling as though they don’t matter. As adults, they may struggle to communicate their needs or let others support them. They may struggle to validate their own feelings and worth. My trauma therapy services in North Carolina focus on rebuilding self-esteem and developing healthier relationship dynamics.

Understanding Childhood Emotional Neglect

Many of my clients initially struggle to identify why they feel anxious or unsatisfied in their adult family relationships, especially if their parents appeared calm and well-meaning. In cases like this, the issue may not be obvious emotionally immature behavior but rather the absence of emotional attunement, known as childhood emotional neglect. Even if your parents seemed supportive, you might still carry the impact of not having your emotional needs met.

How Trauma Therapy Helps Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents in North Carolina

Relating to even a few of these descriptions suggests you may have experienced emotionally immature parenting. Many clients in North Carolina seek trauma therapy or anxiety therapy after realizing that their family dynamics have left a lasting impact on their mental health. While it’s common to adapt and find ways to cope, the effects often show up as chronic anxiety, difficulty setting boundaries, and a pervasive sense of self-doubt.

In therapy, we work together to:

Explore the roots of your anxiety and self-doubt.
Develop tools for setting boundaries and communicating your needs effectively.
Rebuild self-worth that isn’t tied to others’ approval.

Understanding the impact of emotionally immature parenting is not about placing blame. It’s about gaining the clarity needed to build healthier, more satisfying relationships.

Anxiety Therapy and Trauma Therapy in Asheville, North Carolina

Many adults who grew up with emotionally immature parents find themselves struggling with anxiety, even if their current life seems stable. In my Asheville-based therapy practice, I help clients identify and heal these deep-seated patterns. Whether you’re in Asheville, Raleigh, Charlotte, or anywhere in North Carolina, therapy can offer a pathway to recognizing and addressing these patterns.

Ready to make real changes in your life? Reach out today to schedule your consultation, and start addressing the challenges of emotionally immature parenting with the guidance of a professional therapist.

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About Hanna Woody

Hanna Woody is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor (LCMHC) based in Asheville, North Carolina, with over 12 years of experience. She specializes in trauma therapy, including generational trauma, childhood trauma, and narcissistic abuse recovery. Hanna also offers Enneagram therapy and coaching, helping individuals across North Carolina overcome past trauma and emotional wounds. Whether you're in Asheville, Raleigh, Charlotte, Winston-Salem, Greensboro, or anywhere else in the state, Hanna provides online therapy and Enneagram coaching services to support your personal growth and transformation.

Understanding Emotionally Immature Parenting: Impact and How Therapy Can Help