Childhood Emotional Neglect Can Lead to Anxiety
Anxiety Therapy in North Carolina
Experiencing Childhood Emotional Neglect and How Anxiety Therapy Can Help
“But wait, it’s not happening anymore and I’m an adult now. Can my past really be causing my anxiety?”
Yes. The anxiety that you feel on a regular basis could be the result of childhood experiences. You may identify your childhood as traumatic, or you may hesitate to use that term. You may think of your childhood as rough, lonely, and empty, but not necessarily traumatic. You may even have trouble remembering large parts of your childhood. Many of my clients tell me that they don't think they've had trauma, but when we start to look at their history of anxiety, it becomes clear that their anxiety is rooted in the experiences, events, and needs they didn't get met.
Trauma isn’t only about what happened to you, it’s also about what didn’t happen.
Lack of emotional support and emotional neglect is a form of childhood trauma. People who have experienced this often don’t know that they were emotionally neglected as children. They feel confused as to why they experience anxiety because they had all of their basic needs met in childhood, and their adult life is pretty good overall. It feels like it doesn’t make sense. They feel guilty for having anxiety in the first place because they don’t think there is a good enough reason for them to feel bad. Sometimes they even doubt that their anxiety is real. They fear they are making it up. This is especially true when your family does not talk about emotions or take your worries seriously.
Dr. Jonice Webb defines childhood emotional neglect as “a parent’s failure to respond enough to a child’s emotional needs. Emotional neglect is, in some ways, the opposite of mistreatment and abuse. Whereas mistreatment and abuse are parental acts, Emotional Neglect is a parent’s failure to act. It’s a failure to notice, attend to, or respond appropriately to a child’s feelings. Because it’s an act of omission, it’s not visible, noticeable or memorable. Emotional neglect is the white space in the family picture; the background rather than the foreground. It is insidious and overlooked while it does its silent damage to people’s lives.”
You can experience anxiety and trauma symptoms without having an anxiety disorder or PTSD. Many people who come to me for anxiety therapy don't meet the full criteria for a diagnosis, but they know that everything isn't okay. I have found that experiencing emotional neglect as a child is often the culprit. There are many ways this kind of anxiety can manifest. Here are a few:
Does this sound familiar?
You worry about your performance at work and how well you do your job. Even though you receive great reviews, the positive feedback never seems to sink in. A part of you worries that others don’t see you as accurately as they should.
You feel worried and anxious about making mistakes. You put a lot of pressure on yourself to get things right.
When you make a mistake, it feels like it erases every success you’ve had. Even though you can rationally tell yourself that mistakes are okay, it certainly doesn’t feel like it.
You compare yourself to others and worry that you don’t measure up.
You feel like the success you’ve had is by chance, and you fear that someone will see through you and discover that you feel like an imposter.
You have trouble trusting yourself and your emotions.
When someone asks you how you feel, you really have to focus to figure out how you feel. Sometimes, you genuinely don’t know.
It feels really vulnerable to ask for help and support, so you rarely do it.
You have difficulty identifying how you feel and worry that you aren't feeling the right thing.
You worry that if you let others see you fully, they won’t want to know you.
You worry that you aren’t a good enough partner, friend, and parent.
Sometimes it’s easier to be by yourself and do things alone, even though it makes you feel lonely.
When things are going well in your life or in your relationship, you start to worry that something is about to go horribly wrong.
Alternatively, when things are going well in your life and your anxiety drops, you feel bored and wonder why you aren’t fully happy.
These are all outcomes of childhood emotional neglect. You may feel guilty entertaining the idea that you were emotionally neglected as a child. Many of my clients have a lot of compassion for their parents and understand that they were doing the best that they could. Identifying childhood emotional neglect is not for the purpose of placing blame on or criticizing the families that raised you. The purpose is so you can fully understand the impact and stop blaming yourself by believing that there is something wrong with you. With a more complete understanding of your childhood needs that weren’t met, you can more accurately identify and embrace what you need now. You can understand exactly what you need to have fulfilling relationships and trust in yourself.
I offer both anxiety therapy and trauma therapy in North Carolina. If you would like to dive deeper and understand the roots of your anxiety so it has less control over your life and you aren’t just managing it, schedule a consultation for therapy. The consultation is free and gives you a chance to ask questions and an opportunity to meet me before you commit to therapy.
Having emotionally immature parents is also emotional neglect. Read more- Being Raised by Emotionally Immature Parents: Signs and Impact
Hanna Woody is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor in Asheville, North Carolina. She has over 12 years of professional counseling experience and specializes in breaking cycles of generational trauma, childhood trauma, and the Enneagram. Certified in the Embodiment Tradition, she has over 150 hours of training and teaching experience. Hanna is in private practice and provides online mental health therapy, Enneagram coaching, and Enneagram training.
Therapy in Asheville, Raleigh, Charlotte, Winston-Salem, Greensboro and all North Carolina regions.
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