Problematic Enneagram Teachers and How to Spot the Red Flags
Written by Hanna B. Woody, Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and certified Enneagram Teacher
As a therapist, I work with a lot of people who’ve endured narcissistic abuse. I’ve learned over the years how incredibly covert and subtle the abuse is when it first starts. Sometimes people see the signs of problematic behavior and convince themselves (or are convinced by others) that it’s not a big deal. This is especially true if other people don’t see the behavior as problematic or are already caught up in the abuse cycle themselves. Much of my work centers around breaking cycles of abuse. One of the ways to do this is by recognizing the red flags before it even starts.
The Enneagram community is not immune to problematic people. In fact, in my experience, it can be very appealing to people who seek to have power over others. The Enneagram can be weaponized as a tool of manipulation just like many other spiritual systems. Given that the Enneagram also has a strong backing in psychology and helps people see parts of themselves that they don’t fully understand or know how to heal, it makes the system even more appealing to those seeking control over others who are seeking guidance. This does not mean that the Enneagram system itself or spirituality is harmful. However, harmful people may rise the ranks in the Enneagram community and become popular teachers and experts exercising a lot of power and influence and causing a great deal of harm. This can happen in any field, and the Enneagram is no exception. Learning how to spot the red flags of problematic teachers will help you avoid putting yourself into harm's way. Here are some of the red flags. There are many more, but someone demonstrating even just a few of these is cause for great caution. Next post, I’ll talk about the green flags of Enneagram teachers.
They are sparkly, charming, confident, and appear profoundly spiritual.
They speak with such intelligence and self-assurance that you feel deeply impressed and maybe even mesmerized by them. You may leave teachings with a sense of awe and starry eyes for them.
The relationship does not feel equal. It feels like they have all the answers and the keys to giving you what you need. You don’t have the keys, they do.
They disparage other teachers or Enneagram theories and center themselves as being the most right or most accurate.
They attempt to convince you that you have your type wrong. They ask you to trust their expertise instead of your inner truth and inner knowing. This is a form of gaslighting.
They insist that they know you better than you know yourself. They may do this in a really loving, compassionate way or in a grandiose, snarky, arrogant way. This is a form of gaslighting.
They give long, confusing explanations using a lot of impressive language. You walk away feeling confused and doubting your competence, or in awe of how smart and knowledgeable they are.
They project an image of goodness. When you bring up concerns to others, they immediately dispel them because the teacher is so good and profound.
When you challenge or disagree with them, they steer the focus back to you and suggest there’s something wrong, flawed, or naive about your thinking. They may even suggest "You only think that because of your type" and steer you back to relying on them for the answer.
They are unsatisfied until everyone agrees with them or supports their ideas. They "other" those who disagree with them.
They ask you to bypass feelings of fear and discomfort when you don’t feel safe. This is justified in the name of doing the work of your type.
If they are called out for harming another or making a mistake, they deny OR use their Enneagram type "flaws" or shadow as an excuse instead of taking true accountability. They may even make themselves look like the victim.
They are consistently unwilling to be humble or take accountability when they make a mistake. When they do admit a mistake, you may feel uneasy or have a gut feeling that they aren’t being genuine. You may also feel great relief that they finally see their wrongs and feel proud of yourself for helping them see.
There are many more red flags, but someone demonstrating even just a few of these is cause for great caution. Next post, I’ll talk about the green flags of Enneagram teachers.
Experiencing narcissistic abuse in any relationship is devastating. The more intimate, significant, and long-term the relationship is, the greater the impact it has on your emotional wellbeing. When narcissistic abuse comes from a spiritual teacher it can be especially difficult to heal and learn to trust again. I work with a lot of survivors recovering from narcissistic abuse. If you are in need of support, contact me for a free consultation for therapy for narcissistic abuse recovery.
Hanna Woody is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor in Asheville, North Carolina. She has over 12 years of professional counseling experience and specializes in breaking cycles of intergenerational trauma, childhood trauma, and the Enneagram. Certified in the Embodiment Tradition, she has over 150 hours of training and teaching experience. Hanna is in private practice and provides online mental health therapy, Enneagram coaching, and Enneagram training.
Therapy in Asheville, Raleigh, Charlotte, Winston-Salem, Greensboro and all North Carolina regions.
Therapy for Childhood Trauma, Anxiety Therapist, Childhood Trauma Therapist, Therapy for Cycle Breakers, Enneagram Therapy, Enneagram Therapist, Enneagram Coaching