Enneagram Type 4
Working with an Enneagram Therapist
How Enneagram 4’s Can Benefit from Therapy
Learning that you are an Enneagram 4 felt validating and unfortunately triggered a lot of shame. It’s hard to see all of the negative parts of yourself outlined in such a clear way. It’s overwhelming to think about challenging the part of you that compares yourself to others and feels too deeply. You like darkness and appreciate the more negative aspects of life because that is what feels most real. The pain of being different runs deep. You like it in some ways, but deep down you feel like everyone else has something that you don’t. Like everyone is better than you somehow. You don’t want anyone to see that because it feels true. You mostly just want to be authentically connected to others and have a life full of rich experiences, deep relationships, and beauty- but it feels out of reach and you are unsure if you’ll ever truly get what you want. You are hopeful though, that digging into your Enneagram work can help you.
The Enneagram is such a powerful tool to use in therapy or Enneagram coaching. When my clients find their correct type and resonate with the work of that type, it accelerates their self-awareness and self-growth. The Enneagram acts like a mirror and a compass. My clients can see the good, the bad, and the ugly AND understand what’s keeping them stuck. They learn how to break the cycles that are keeping them stuck and preventing them from thriving. If you study the Enneagram, you know that it goes SO MUCH deeper than what a small blog or social media post can describe. The Enneagram is just as complex as the humans it represents. Keep that in mind, and here are some basics about Enneagram Type 4.
Type 4
Core Emotion: Shame (Internalizing)
Filter: Sees what is missing (outside and inside of themselves)
Energetics: Deep, melancholy
Traits: Creative, expressive, deep feeling, compassionate
Values: Uniqueness, being real, beauty, darkness and authenticity
Childhood: Learned early on that in order to be worthy they had to be unique and special.
Not afraid to: Be creative, sit with big emotions and with darkness
Hard for them to: Not live in their emotions, accept that nothing is wrong with them and that they belong, be bored and stuck in routine / ordinary things, not feel shame when comparing self to others
Common Experiences for 4’s
Seeing what’s missing (in self, in project, in team, in world)
Feeling a lot of emotions and difficulty focusing on other things when they have big emotions
Seeing the beauty in mundane, sad, or tragic things. Beauty in everything.
Feeling insecure in self, abilities, and competence
Feeling drawn to what’s ‘real’ and unique
Difficulty conforming to structure or staying in a routine.
Being late and struggling with time management
Feeling different from others and feeling as though everyone else has something they don’t.
Comparing self to others and feeling shame about what they don’t have or haven’t been able to accomplish
Type 4 Trauma Response
Seeks Safety Through Othering Themselves
Believe that they are less capable of love and belonging
Believe that they are different and defective
Compares self to others and experiences deep pain for what they don’t have
Shame leads to isolation and disconnection in order to self-soothe or ‘lick the wounds’
The fakeness and inauthenticity of other people can feel downright unsafe, as opposed to just unsavory
Experiences moodiness and being overtaken by emotions. When emotions are rooted in trauma this can feel substantially destabilizing
OR experiences strong emotional repression resulting in stoicism. This 4 (self-preservation 4) is extremely tough and can get through anything. Others may be impressed at how “resilient” they are. This 4 may appear unaffected by trauma
Simultaneously experiences deep pain for being misunderstood and feels safer in isolation
Not taking action towards goals and desires, choosing to live in fantasies, and accepting that they’ll never have what they want
Deep fear that if others see their full selves and darkness that they wouldn’t be lovable
Deep feelings of pain and sadness for being “different” and feeling as though everyone else has access to the love and belonging they deeply desire, but they feel they’ll never have it
Experiencing boredom and a mundane, “normal” life can bring substantial fear that they are in fact boring and unremarkable
Attempts to win love through being unique, different, and special
Deep shame and holding a core belief that they are without significance, not worthy of belonging
No matter where you are in your Enneagram journey, working with an Enneagram therapist will help you create the kind of change you desire in your life. It will help you understand and remove the barriers that your type is creating to having the kind of love and relationships that you want. My goal is for you to walk away from therapy with confidence and a feeling of empowerment. I will help you get clarity on what you need to do to grow into the healthiest version of your type. Our Enneagram work and trauma work is never really fully complete, but Enneagram therapy can help you gain clarity on what you need to heal.
Learn more about working with Hanna
If you are ready to get started, the first step to working together is to schedule a free 20 minute consultation. Investing your time, money, and emotional energy into therapy or coaching is a big deal. It’s an investment in yourself and your wellbeing. It’s important that you make this investment with trust and confidence that working together is a good fit. This is why I offer a 20 minute consultation. During this time we can identify your needs and answer any questions that you have about working together.
Hanna Woody is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor in Asheville, North Carolina. She has over 12 years of professional counseling experience and specializes in breaking cycles of intergenerational trauma, childhood trauma, and the Enneagram. Certified in the Embodiment Tradition, she has over 150 hours of training and teaching experience. Hanna is in private practice and provides online mental health therapy, Enneagram coaching, and Enneagram training.
Therapy in Asheville, Raleigh, Charlotte, Winston-Salem, Greensboro and all North Carolina regions.
Therapy for Childhood Trauma, Anxiety Therapist, Childhood Trauma Therapist, Therapy for Cycle Breakers, Enneagram Therapy, Enneagram Therapist, Enneagram Coaching